I'm sat on the big brown leather sofa that hugs me. The uplighter is casting shadows that look like hearts on the ceiling as it filters through the cheese plant. The dog is asleep in her bed and all I can hear is the gentle rustling of the leaves through the trees.
I watched Our War this evening, along with a lot of people. It was a strange experience. To be sat alone yet know that people I "know" on Twitter were sitting with me at the same time was a strange comfort. We all had different thoughts watching it; some of us have no idea what to expect, some of us have been there, some of us have been the "Rear Party", some of us are there now and some are waiting to deploy soon. One common thing shone through as brightly as the sun though - Pride!
I, like many others, sat with tears in my eyes. My reason for the tears were many. I have friends out there now, I have people I love who were out there around the time it was filmed and I have friends who went and came back early, too early. This is one "conversation" I wish I didn't have to have, but I think it's better out than in.
"You'd not long gone to the Sandpit when I saw E at a gig. The pride was coming from every pore in her body. It was the first time I'd met her and didn't realise it was you she was talking about at first. Then the penny dropped! We stood chatting about you and my then partner, both of us brimming with pride. Even if I'd not had anyone out there I'd still have beamed with pride as the daughter of a Sapper. I told her that the time would go quickly after the first few weeks and that you'd be fine and home before she knew it.
I remember exactly where I was when I found out about what had happened, I was on the bus going into work. It was at the traffic lights by the park in town. I remember hearing someone that sounded like me saying "no", felt the tears running down my cheeks and the world seemed to close in. A hand came from nowhere and touched my shoulder. I turned to see the whole bus full of people staring at me, some with tears in their eyes - they must have known.
I don't remember getting off the bus and walking across the Square to work, but I do remember it was cold, bitingly cold. It was as if there were needles in the air flying at my face. My boss took one look at me and ordered a taxi to take me home. I sat on the Prom just looking out to sea. I can feel the numbness again as I sit here writing this. All I could think about was how your Mum had coped when she saw the Man at the door. You are her only son, her reason for living. I was only a friend and it hurt so badly. Then I thought about E, and how she'd be feeling at losing her rock.
I went back to work the next day, life goes on. I remember sitting by the Cenotaph the day you all came home. The next week it was Remembrance Day. My boss allowed me an hour off so that I could go to the Cenotaph by work. I remember seeing your Mum, Dad and E but I couldn't go over. I didn't realise I was quietly sobbing as they played the Last Post until a kind faced lady put her arm round my shoulder. She was crying too. It was a harsh day.
I have a few things I want to say to you. I'm sorry that the way things happened at work meant I could not come to say goodbye to you. My boss knew that I wasn't happy about that and didn't speak to me all day. I'm still to this day certain that she could have spared me for a couple of hours, there's nothing that can't wait when it comes to saying goodbye to those you love. I'm sorry I lied to E and told her you'd be fine. There was no way of knowing that I'd be right about you coming home sooner than she thinks.
Please look out for your Mum. She really isn't coping well at all. We all do what we can but there's only one thing that can help her, and that is you coming back. Stay by her side, walk with her and give her strength. I promise I'll do all I can to be there when she needs someone. We know if the tables were turned, you'd do the same for all of us."
Exemplo Ducemus – By Example We Lead.
I remember exactly where I was when I found out about what had happened, I was on the bus going into work. It was at the traffic lights by the park in town. I remember hearing someone that sounded like me saying "no", felt the tears running down my cheeks and the world seemed to close in. A hand came from nowhere and touched my shoulder. I turned to see the whole bus full of people staring at me, some with tears in their eyes - they must have known.
I don't remember getting off the bus and walking across the Square to work, but I do remember it was cold, bitingly cold. It was as if there were needles in the air flying at my face. My boss took one look at me and ordered a taxi to take me home. I sat on the Prom just looking out to sea. I can feel the numbness again as I sit here writing this. All I could think about was how your Mum had coped when she saw the Man at the door. You are her only son, her reason for living. I was only a friend and it hurt so badly. Then I thought about E, and how she'd be feeling at losing her rock.
I went back to work the next day, life goes on. I remember sitting by the Cenotaph the day you all came home. The next week it was Remembrance Day. My boss allowed me an hour off so that I could go to the Cenotaph by work. I remember seeing your Mum, Dad and E but I couldn't go over. I didn't realise I was quietly sobbing as they played the Last Post until a kind faced lady put her arm round my shoulder. She was crying too. It was a harsh day.
I have a few things I want to say to you. I'm sorry that the way things happened at work meant I could not come to say goodbye to you. My boss knew that I wasn't happy about that and didn't speak to me all day. I'm still to this day certain that she could have spared me for a couple of hours, there's nothing that can't wait when it comes to saying goodbye to those you love. I'm sorry I lied to E and told her you'd be fine. There was no way of knowing that I'd be right about you coming home sooner than she thinks.
Please look out for your Mum. She really isn't coping well at all. We all do what we can but there's only one thing that can help her, and that is you coming back. Stay by her side, walk with her and give her strength. I promise I'll do all I can to be there when she needs someone. We know if the tables were turned, you'd do the same for all of us."
Exemplo Ducemus – By Example We Lead.
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